needy of. people who love.

2006-08-13T08:18:00.000-07:00

i m sorry for wad i have said de previous post..
its jus vulgar..
but i puttin it dere..
in hope tat u would see it..
i rmb de song u lyk..
yi shou jian dan de ge..
dere's one phrase tat is something liddat..
it said 'i was too busy wantin u to notice my good,
tat i forgot to smile to u often.'
hopefully tis is de case wid u..

todays service was great..
it was bout makin marriage works..
den pastor taught us bout true love.
den they sang tis song:
my first love
forever u will be.
my first breath
ur de life in mi.
my first joy
de world cann never take awae from mi
my covenant wid u.
*name of husband or wife*
den all de couples kissed..
sweet eh..
renewed love..

i jus realised..
nothing matters animor..
god gave us a vault of emotions..
includes sadness..
bringin forth tears.
if i cry..
it no longer matters.
why should it matters to mi.
when it dun even matter to u.
if i m disappointed..
it no longer matters.
why should it matter
since its so regular.

cann we be lyk other couples.
to have lots n lots of photos taken.
cann we be lyk other couples.
to put each other's name as dear in our phone.
cann we be lyk other couples.
to go out holdin hands n not worry bout bein seen by others.
cann we be lyk other couples.
to really love.
cant we be lyk them?

funny when i sae i dun care.
i would still hope.
i hope tat one dae u will see i'm sad.
i hope tat one dae i wun have to be sad.
i know.
tat dae will nvr come.
but i still hope.
n when u hope u will get disappointed.
ahh wellx..

lao po..
i missed u..x)
tomolo cann see u le..
did u miss mi?

2006-08-12T08:07:00.000-07:00

haloo ppl.
guess wad.
i got NEW phone!!!
n. 72
lurves it.
but its pink la.
lol.
bimbo?
bit*h?
eh.. wadeva la..
thanks thanks n super alot of thanks to my nicest mom in de world!!
she paid ok..
haha.. i m soo happyy...

i still rmb tat u lay by my side
n waited for mi to sleep
be4 u do.
come to tink of it..
it is de best thing tat a guy cann ever do for a girl.
its sweet..
n thank you..
i guess when i give thanks everyday..
i left u out..
n if i still cann
u are de one i will be most thankful for..
guess if u dunno how to treasure
u wun nid to learn to do so veri soon..
god gave u someone more deservin of u den mi. x)

i still cant forget de camp.
its lyk. u expect a sorry to heal.
u act as if its passed n forgotten..
look at tis.
it. still. stings.
its ok. if u are pre occupied wid de fun.
its ok. if u neglected mi becos of tat.
but its not ok.
if u nvr miss mi becos ur tinkin of her.
n its not ok.
if ur not lookin at mi becos ur lookin at her.
ITS NOT OK u bloody f***er.
cann u jus f-ing come see my blog.
come see how i scold u for de first tym.
f*** f*** f***.
its not ok OK?!
when are u goin to come see my blog
n see for urself wad i have to sae..
huh. huh.
wad de f*** la.
its not wrong to u??
its not hurtful to u?!

for u. for us. for everyone. father.
i will get wad i promised to get.
prepare wad u promised to give back in return.
still rmb tat i said tat i will get first in p4.
i did.
still rmb tat i said i will get top five in sec1.
i did.
still rmb wad u said?
i did.
n now..
dun look down on mi
wad i wan
i will get it.
n i wan.
for u to quit gambling.
its vulgar.

u are de motivation behind everything.

2006-08-07T06:58:00.000-07:00

soo lorng since i blog..
going back to depression mode agn..
lyk i tot i cann be happy..
n change at de same time..
but wad i wan.
u realli cant gimme..
i have had enough..

if u see my tears..
would u pay any attention..
would u feel lyk changin de world jus for mi..
n changing urself jus to make mi happier..
or would u jus sae don cry n forget bout it..
u know..
u dun pay attention..
carn u hear..
its a cry from my heart..
its cryin out for u to listen..
but i know..
if u change..
u wouldnt be happy..
den u'll wan a break..
so i would rather..
i cann suffer..
but beware..
i'm gettin stronger..
i cann n will live without u..
n when de day comes..
we shall say our goodbyes..

ppl..
if ur other half has a blog..
go look at it..
besides stating wad they wan..
as bday present..
it generates love..
jus lyk some particular person i know..

.
..
...
....

esplanade was a hit.
heh..
love de performance..
love de ppl as well.. x)
daughter sae papa so shuai..
haha
ya lar..
but compared to someone...
haha
u know who..
u know who is sooooo much more shuaier..
why cant he be my bro?!!!
den i'll be lyk so proud of him..
soooooo shuai shuai shuai..
haha..
considerin tat he's a junior..
i will nvr have him.. :(
lol??
XX)))
i donwan to have him!
muaha..

tomolo is 2.4..
sian or siander?
den our anniversary!!!
wooohhoooo!!!!
last yr my daughter wished mi happy anniverssaryyy..
tis yr??
guess nobody know..
low profile guy ehh..
ahh....
lets not get to tat point.

lao po..
i love u!! <3333
haha
sorrie..
i realli not strate..

happy 365 days.. in 1.1/2 hrs tym.

2006-06-27T05:35:00.000-07:00

why are some guys such assholes.
i mean lyk if u two timed
at least feel ashamed of urself cann
but seriously.
my dear gal.
if u happened to be seein my blog
kick hard in his groins
n jus dump him cann.
i noe u bu she de.
but lets not be so compassionate
if he does it once.
he'll do it twice.
jus how many tyms cann u bear wid it?
once. yes
twice. mayb
thrice? alot of tyms?
its not happily ever after.
if u jus contd forgivin him.
he will be so full of himself.
lyk he's need-ed.
baby.
its hard.
cry for a few nites..
its still beta den cryin forever.
i noe its so easy to say for me..
but ur a strong gal. :)
its not goin to be easy.
but u still hav us.
i noe if i were u.
i will probably stay on.
perhaps i loved de guy more den i love myself.
if i carn do wad i say
u would most prob not.
but if u do.
i will be so.
so .
so.
proud of u.
when one day.
u have done it.
n u nided some company.
call mi.
i canot take awae ur pain.
but i cann play bridge wid u till neverend.
not enof?
i cann cry wid u?
believe me.

i really tot i cann do it.
i cann change.
but its so hard.
sometimes i really dunno wad ur tinkin.
wad u sae.
simply dun show in ur actions.
i cannot be as bo chap as u.
u dun expect a child to survive on a stick for a month.
neither can i survive on what u sae once in a blue blue moon.
when u see my faith level runnin low.
pls come quick.
its tym to revive mi agn.
but den agn.
life in n out of hell.
its terrible.
isit so hard to say i love u.
or isit hard to say i miss u.
its onli three words.
paiseh?
weird?
its ok.
i will be used to it.
soon.
i wun mind anything.
i wun be upset.
becos i dun mind.
it will be easy.
easy.

if u see tis. tell me i love you

2006-06-25T00:33:00.000-07:00

eyhhh..
so long nvr come blog le..
lyk so much happened..
jus wanna say..
to those who had watched mi cry.
thank you. x)
n to one..
who had sort of cried wid mi.
thank you more...
i dun tink its ok to sae
tat it dun matter if he still loves u
cos i noe it jus matter.
but we love u too :)
lots..
at least..
i love you..
cos ur my lao po ma..
haha
i m strate ok..

well..
when thru two zero point in my relationship..
now..
smooth sailin i guess..
wheeeee....

my relative came..
lyk i met tis super duper rich guy..
ass la ok..
90000 for a carpet..
argghhhh..
come on sia..
den 3.5 million for his house.
lyk how many many zeros are there..
but he veri nice la..
wun lyk look down on us
but still..
how i wish he's my godpa or something.
anw..
he keep bring us go eat eat eat.
i tink i gone fat agn..
sian..

lalalala~
yangyang comin in august.
den mayb yangling comin in july.
=D they are these super nice couz i hav..
n handsome n pretty too
well..
they are lyk 19 n 17
n they EACH drives a honda.
nice..
haizzzz..
imagine..
drivin a car to SCHOOOOLL
beta den tat samsung lcd tv ad.

recap.
CAMP WAS GREAT!
love yingen.
lol..
n cheryl. n sheena.
hyperactive ppl at nite.
haha..
i miss ur leh..
n de camp..
but was cruelly neglected by someone la..
haha
but still..
ying n ting n yj n lao po came.
jus for de mass dance.
lyk UR MADE IT SO NICE!
ahhhh.. i love u gals.
den tat fat pig ying.
come steal our food..
lol. why dowan come to camp le?!!!
den no nid steal RYT..
n den got de sec three sports ppl..
veri on ppl..
haha.. great team
but den kip on laugh laugh n laugh..
quite funny. fun. to see them laugh..
lol.

camp endin..
frenz..
i'll see ur agn veri soon..
lyk tomolo la ok..
wilson finish his homework k?!!
come on.
lets buck up.
yeah.
i'm gonna finish my work.
i m jus so sure bout it x)

u ppl are de best. love ya. =)

2006-05-21T07:42:00.000-07:00

fridae was superly.superly.superly
SUPERB!! :)
lol.. went to suki in de afternoon..
at choa chu kang! ok?
abit not far de gan jue..
but still.. worth it..
den went to suntec..
to watch da vinci code..
was..
erm...
************ [ censored]
i carn believe tat ppl are believin in tis stuff..
i mean..
it's shit ok..
n those ppl out dere..
if ur one of those dumb dumb who find tat its so true..
den u mite as well believe in cinderella.. mayb snow white?
they are all fiction man..
f.i.c.t.i.o.n. get it??
n to those dumb dumb..
bless ur soul.
may u find some brains back.
well..
back to de day..
da vinci was a total waste of money..
but still..
its full house..
for five consecutive showtimes..
man..
tis seriously sux..
but as pastor was sayin..
blah blah blah blah..
i m not goin to condemn de show..
i shall jus see how it is goin to perish..
yes totally lose its place on earth in de so near future..
ahh well..
den it was lyk nite tym (oh shit!)
so i knew wad was waitin for mi at home..
but anw..
de dae was great! :)
a grand finale..
which was da chang jin!!
lol.. okok..

todae went to church..
chester shi he ken yang went..
n made some ppl veri happy too! :D
haha.. den went to his house..
actually wanna play tennis wan..
den no court..
how suay..
but still..
heh..
still a nice day..

tomolo oral..
to my ppl..
all de best!..
den.. de day after..
my turn..
man...

mannnnnnnnnn..
i hate oral..
why carn they have something lyk...
listening compre..
whhhyyyyyyy??!!!!

<3 u.

2006-05-16T01:46:00.000-07:00

went to changi airport todae
den saw tat digustin couple..
den come to think of it..
i see them everytym..
together.. in de mornin..
after sch.. e.v.e.r.y.t.y.m.
den i realised..
no matter how digustin they are..
they are sweet as a couple..
at least they love each other alot
its lyk so long alrdy n they see each other everyday
N they are still SO lovey dovey..
den i rmb wad elaine said..
tat zm wanted his frenz n soccer rather den her
how sad isnt it..

we haven tok for lyk more den 24hrs..
terrible..
jus veri terrible..
he seems ok wid it..
still got mood for soccer thou..
so i shall conclude
tat i jus DON matter to him..
well..

jus now at changi airport..
went to mini toons..
n saw those voodo dolls..
how cute..
n aso how ex x)
but i bought two
one for him n one for me :)
blue for de guy n pink for de girl..
its a love charm..
so wad it does??
obviously..
it wishes tat de couple will be together forever..
i m not sure bout him..
personally i feel tat he dowan..
but still.. i still wish tat it will happen.. :)

last tym..
i believe in true love..
do u?
i dunno.. but they sae it will come to those who believe..
i tot i had it..
den i lost it..
den in de end..
mayb it's jus not..
but now..
i dun realli think it exist..
between humans tat is..
but i still wish for it to happen..
mayb not to me..
mayb to others..
jus to show de world how great love cann be

i wanna watch movie!!!!
anyone anyone..
i m willing to pay??
for myself tat is.. haha
woah.. first tym i m laughin..
ok.. mayb tats not funny..
but seriously..
any taker?!
i m jus so desperate for moviess..
i cann take my mother..
but even my ma aso wun wan onee..
how sadd..
ohh well..
guess i will hafta wait..
wait... wait..
till when??

one month spent miserably in return for one day spent happy wid u.

2006-05-14T23:53:00.000-07:00

exams end-ED todae..
happy?
no.. its de worst dae of my life..
after geog..
he went off.. wid de guys..
n said to me.. i will sms u later
so dat later came.. one n a half hr later..
wad he did during de tym.. obvious:soccer.
n wad did i do..
went to de mrt station..
look at how ppl go out wid their frenz..
some wid bf/gf..
den decided i shall go to cally's house
rot dere..
den went bak to mrt station..
rot dere..
all in all..
alot of rottin..
n waitin..
den in de end..
he decides to go home..
so i walk arnd cryin..
along de road..
to cally's house..
all de way home..
de nite before..
he said i will pei u..
more den three tyms..
those type of die die will go no matter where u go..
den in de end
wad happen??
i m seriously soo darn used to it..
but its still so hurtful..
so so so hurtful..
so now.. i m pathetically stranded at home..
miserably cryin..
anw wads de use of saein all tis..
he wun even see..
now..
its not he's-sorry-even if it is not his fault..
its everything's my fault my fault my fault..
so one dae he will go:hope everything will be fine tomolo
which is.. i jus hope u wun be unhappy n make everythin unhappy tomolo
den another dae he will go: wads wrong wid u
(more strateforward)
den in de end.. it's: cann u stop bein so ridiculous..

tell me why u cry..
it's so often i cry..
tat i forgotten why i cry..
so de next mornin..
i will wake up unhappy..
den..
he scolds..
ok.. sae..since it's nvr to him tat its scoldin..
so.. he sae mi tis tis tis..
tat tat tat..
go home cry..
next dae same thing happen again..
funny thou..
how u cry n cry n cry..
u cann forget why u cry..
but why still contd cryin
since dere's no more reason to..
somehow somehow..
its called pain..
experience it before..
yeah.. know how to spell?
it goes lyk i-t-s-k-i-l-l-i-n-g-m-e
den u know wad..

she is dead.

2006-05-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

first.. congrats to mr songhon for gettin a1 for amaths
*applause

second..happy mother's dae to all mothers..!
to all grannies.. aunties.. ah sohs.. blah blah..

hav u ever felt so disappointed wid someone..
tat tears jus automatically flow n flow
i mean if i m at jack neo's audition..
i'll be winnin tat best actress award..
dun even nid ten sec..

anyone watch nine oclock channel eight de women of times
well.. jus a lil of info..
fann wong told her husband..
"de first tym we quarrel u got here( de place she alwaes go when she's unhappy) in half an hr
de second tym u got here in an hr
subsequently as we quarrel more n more
u got here later n later
until now u nvr turn up"
funny how things cann turn out to be tis way..
but yet.. so ture so true..
last tym.. n i seriously mean last tym..
a couple quarrel n de guy would sae sorrie even if it is not his fault
now.. listen to tis..
they quarrel n he would go:'' i jus hope tomolo would be fine.."

why liddat.. why..

they sae tears come from blood..
well.. if i were to stay at a blood donation drive..
i will be de most loved person dere..
get it..
but somehow..
i dun haf tears for ytd nite..
mayb they dry up alrdy..
u know how they cann kill..
they go thru ur heart
den.. they go.. ***
well..
after all tat..
i dun feel tat i haf a heart anymor..
tats why wad i feel is.. empty..
empty..

empty..

funny how sad u are n all de other party care is how pek chek u made him when u r sad..
does it matter wad i m feelin..
no..
it matters wad feelin i made others to feel wid wad i m feelin..
i mean.. i m sorry tat i made de ppl arnd mi feel miserable..
but i jus carn help it ok..
cann u jus imagine havin ur heart tore apart den u start smilin to ppl
crazy..
mayb i should jump off de buildin..
so no one will be pek chek when i m sad..
mayb my frenz wun be..
no matter how sad they are..
they cann manage to console mi..
well thanks alot..:)
arghhhhhh...
had enof had enof..

i. wish for love but still
love. is jus not dere cos
u. don seem to love

2006-05-11T23:39:00.000-07:00

when i needed someone to tok to
where were u
i feel so empty

wed was a perrrrrrffectttt dae.. :)
went to watch mission impossible three..
paid twenty five! for some nice! sofa seat..
well.. den after tat go walk around..
saw weilian.. he was lyk.. different..
yeah.. anyway... tat was de best dae ever!
denn.. came thurs..
frankly speakin.. i cannot rmb..
we went sch den got back amaths..
n i totally flunk it..
its enof tat i got 51..
den i realised tat de cher counted wrongly..
should b 49.
not 50 not 52 not anything
49..
bloody....*
in de end.. i m jus so honest
went up to de cher..
sae..
it should b 49..
den she din even bother checkin!
well how trustful she is..
arghhhhh...
wad m i doin!?!
i totally failed my parents
not to mention my aunt my grandma my everyone
sorrie.. i m realli sorrie
i said i will top de sch.. n i will
i will..
den trash de chi-na shit asses..
den sun li told mi i fail my chinese..
i mean.. how nice..
so all in all
i almost failed everything
first helly tym in whole ahs life..
wad m i doin seriously..
haiz.. life is sad..
best part comes..
when someone u tot wuld understand don
so now i understand..
friends are best..
thank you hy.. for comforting mi when u nided it..
thank you so much..
so so so much..

i feel so empty

so empty

empty

so todae..
vesak dae..
supposedly its a holidae..
so it shuld be happy..
den tis is my dae:
sleep
eat
study
sleep
eat
bloggin
study
work
sleep
typical 'happy' dae..

u carn hear my tears
even if it drops in front of u

2006-04-25T05:21:00.000-07:00

seemingly i m realli not caring bout my exams.. went to check up de dictionary for de meanin of appreciate.. gave mi nth but a whole chunk of shit.. anyway ppl appreciate some special favors done for them.. so i guess tat everytym we go out are jus some kinda special favors done for mi.. den in tat case.. thank you.. i nid it.. u don.. n i appreciate de tym n effort.. but who goes arnd sayin.. i appreciate ur blah blah.. i appreciate ur blah blah.. mayb i shall try tat.. so next tym frenz, see mi n i will go.. hi i appreciate u acknowledgin mi.. well tis is kinda out of da pt.. seriously.. onli frenz does tat.. but perhaps we are onli frenz.. so thank you so much.. for tokin to mi.. for goin out wid mi.. for doin anything nice for mi..

i realise i dun realli know someone i tot i know inside out.. since when did guys care so much bout de rain..i tot supposedly it is more macho? n more romantic.. den.. since when has guys becum so practical.. i mean.. don ur haf dreamland??? haizz.. someone.. enlighten mi..

u prove all de sensitivity of blunt axe.
nevertheless you cut deep into my heart.

2006-04-22T08:09:00.000-07:00

mayb god cann send mi someone tat dun haf to sleep.. den perhaps at nite i would not feel so lost. but den agn, i feel lost everytym.. from after sch. to nite. all de way to de tym of insomianity... wad m i tokin bout.. i mean.why say? everyone nids to sleep.. sadd life dun everyone agree.. one moment: i m thankful for tis. next: i wan tat.. bein humans, we jus cannot be contented.. tats why we find fault easier than we find favors done for us. thanks thanks thanks if tis is wad ppl wanna hear.. thanks alot.. i tink all i haf said is lyk rubbish.. skip skip skip.............................

ok.. for my frens out dere.. its not tat i m hua chi.. its jus tat i haf to self entertain.. anyway.. its onli ONE person ok.. actualli.. nth much to sae. duno wad to sae. so i shall jus end.

drip. drip.
drip. drip.
can you hear.
my heart bleedin.

2006-04-16T07:29:00.000-07:00

haizzzzzz.. lyk lost my spellin bee.. how sadd.. wanna win so i cann take my parents out to japan.. considering tat they pathetically nvr go to a four season country.. ohh well.. good fridae was badd.. din go out lost my comp.. blah blah blah.. sat was nice:) went out.. n watch de dunno wad eight below.. i m lyk so in love wid husky.. de dogs i mean.. they are jus soooooo shuai!!! omg.. x) lalala~ tomolo no test.. to those who study bio... nananipoopoo.. haha.. sorrie.. well gotta go study.. signin off.. nitex! <3 angel

gone is de heart
simplicity of de complicated
the pain with the love
wad is left
wad is left

i hope u see. i hope u hear. i hope u feel..

2006-03-27T20:23:00.000-08:00

jus wanna thank de person tat helped me create tis blog.. namely calanthea.. ahh.. yee yushan? thanks really.. if u see tis.. lol.. first impression is alwaes impt.. well.. i m a nice person..lol? okok.. i haf great frens family and fantastic God.. fabulously made for my life.. to brighter it of cos.. ok tats it.. i m ending..

tellmewhyyoucry.
iforgotforthepain.
sointenseiwannacry.
butthenagainimalready.
deadfromcrying.
atleastmyheartis.
knowwadssad.
lookatme.
uwillfindtheanswer.

i love u do u know.